BOOK REVIEW: ‘When You Let Go’ By Unoma Nwankwor | #ABookInHand Club

Amara and Ejike Dike had been married for six glorious years. Amara was convinced Ejike was the perfect gift from God. Loving, charming and very easy on the eyes. They had a beautiful life. Well, not so beautiful.

Amara was unable to bear children. Ejike loved his wife with a passion. They shared a burning desire and faith in God that burned deep. But Amara finds herself at crossroads due to situations beyond her control. Would she lean on God’s sustaining grace to let go and travel the rocky path to forgiveness? Or would she throw everything to the wind and walk away?

I used to think finding ‘Mr. Right’ and being the right person for him was all there was to having a successful marriage. And so I looked forward to that moment when he found me… But then, even in all the rightness, we find more irreconcilable differences leading to divorces and separations in most of our homes today.

Then we wonder why there’s a disrupt society… Nigeria and the rest of the world have different notions on ‘Building a Home’.. And most times, we’re left to wonder at what exactly brings Fulfillment in Marriage.

To the mother in-law, is it in finding that her kids bare her grandchildren?

To the Man of the house, is it in having a ‘son’?

To the wife, is it in having a man who’s got it all…

Unanimous responses from our readers state that there are different factors involved in bringing fulfillment in marriage. 

I guess I could understand Amara, even though she had all the love and affirmation she needed from her husband, she still fought and prayed for one thing – That God would bless her with the fruit of the womb after so many years.

And every time Ejike tried to calm her fears, telling her that she was enough for him, even I found myself saying… ‘For how long?’

For how long would he be this loving? For how long would she be enough? For how long would he convince himself that God is the giver of children and His timing is enough?

Not my fault. The Nigerian system taught me.

The system that says it’s not enough to fight for the heart of the man you love, you have to fight for security. You married not only him, but all of his family. You must give him a heir to his fortune, and don’t add (ess) to that heir, because it’s a man they want, a girl won’t count.

A system that says the only way we know if you two were meant to be is when we see the reward for your proclaimed affection running round the living room, engaging in pillow fights, disturbing the peace of the house. Ehn ehn.. Then we’ll know the marriage is successful.

And God help you, you’re from different tribes. When all hell breaks loose, just pray. Pray your loving husband is with you every moment to secure you from the predators. Just pray.

So I understand Amara, and why she keeps fighting till God answers.

Sometimes, we need only to pray some more, restrategize, listen more, or be patient.

Sometimes, I think to myself… ‘God I need You now… Not later!’ He seems to be slow sometimes right?

And then sometimes I think to myself… ‘God, I shouldn’t be going through this. You have better plans right? This hurts. Why’s it happening to me?’ And then when the still small voice asks me, ‘if not you, who?’… I begin to think to myself all the good things I do, all the bad things I apologize for… And why I think I don’t deserve all that I’m getting..

We think God deals with us according to what we do or don’t do.

Far from it!

Reading from “When You Let Go” this month we learn in the most interesting way that we end up losing things when we hold on to them too tightly. We are a lot more advantaged when we let go… And guess what?

We had a brief chat with Unoma Nwankwor to learn some more…

Unoma says the question about What Brings Fulfillment In Marriage is a tough one. And that “Just like success, fulfillment in marriage should be unique to each couple. What might fulfill couple ‘A’ might be disastrous for couple ‘B'”.

“I don’t cherish any over the other. Both have a huge influence on my life. I was born in the United States where I spent my early years. Then I moved back home and spent my molding years there, now I live in the States.

 

So you see, both places are ingrained into me. Hence my characters as well.”

“My inspiration for the book came partly from my culture, where there is so much pressure put on women to bear children within the socially acceptable time frame.

 

It also came from the human ability to follow the guidance of the Bible, when it comes to love and forgiveness.”

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